


Trust Goes Both Ways

by Keleshnar



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Abandonment, As close to the movie as possible, Canon Compliant, F/M, Gen, Introspection, Is this camaraderie/friendship/something more?, Slow Burn, Team as Family, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 21:26:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9787601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keleshnar/pseuds/Keleshnar
Summary: Despite the circumstances and against all expectations, Jyn and Cassian became a team. Vignettes from Rogue One told from Jyn and Cassian's perspectives, eventually leaning RebelCaptain.





	1. I find that answer vague and unconvincing

**Author's Note:**

> After I saw Rogue One again, the story, characters, etc. remained on my mind for multiple days straight. With a fixation that’s probably not healthy. What to do about it? Jump into Star Wars fic, obviously. This series of introspective vignettes is the result of that (continuing) obsession. Enjoy!

_Jyn – Yavin 4 base, preparing to depart for Jedha_

  
It had been simple, really, to appropriate a blaster after she was released from the shackles and escorted with minimum security back to  
the hangar bay. Being armed helped her feel slightly less unsettled by this entire process. After the shock of the Rebels knowing her real  
name – no one had called her Jyn in years – she had been caught off guard and had been completely truthful, if brief, in answering their  
questions. Plus, a 20 year sentence was not something she had any desire to return to. She only hoped the Alliance was being straight with  
her, too.

While following Captain Andor to the ship, she got a better glimpse of the Rebel Base. It was more expansive than she expected. They  
must have gained considerable strength and support since her time with Saw, if his depreciating comments were to be believed.

Saw… the prospect of seeing him again made her both anxious and angry. If they chanced to find an audience with him, she could not  
predict whether she would become overwhelmed and tongue tied with everything she wanted to say to him, or liable to do something  
aggressive and stupid.

* * *

  
"Why does she get a blaster and I don't?" the reprogrammed droid practically whined.

"What?" Cassian turns, the confusion on his face quickly turning into the type of look you'd give a carnivorous Reek.

"I know how to use it," Jyn offered with forced casualness.

"That's what I'm afraid of. Give it to me."

In another surprising moment of truthfulness, she didn't hide the quaver in her voice. "We're going to Jedha. That's a war zone." Many  
valid arguments on this point. She had not forgotten how Saw's band tended to greet people. Also, who knew what odd assortment of  
tasks the job of "Intelligence Officer" entailed. K-2S0's proclamation of their mutual dislike of her attendance on this mission did not reduce  
her unease.

"That's not the point of…" the frustration of plans already going awry was clear in Cassian's voice. "Where'd you get it?"

Noncommittally: "I found it."

"I find that answer vague and unconvincing" K-2S0 chimed in.

Still, the Rebel Spy hesitated, looking like he wasn't sure what he'd gotten himself into on this mission with her. Good, he had  
underestimated her.

_Let's hope he continues to do so._ She thought to herself. _It'd give me a leg up in this mess_.

To her relief, Cassian relented after her one final comment: "Trust goes both ways."

Though the mechanical co-pilot's subsequent complaints were mildly amusing, she reminded herself to not underestimate "K-2," as she  
noted Captain Andor had called the droid, despite his petulant remarks. On Wobani when she was trying to escape, he'd thrown her down  
like she was a rag doll. One thing she and the Rebel spy agreed upon: she wouldn't have trusted the droid with a blaster, either.

Who knew what this mission would entail. Maybe she would succeed and get Lianna Hallik's record expunged. The possibility of seeing her  
father was too unlikely - and too painful - to fathom right now, so she pushed the thought aside. As they took off and headed through the  
planet's stratosphere, she consciously slowed her breathing and tried to calm her anxious mind in order to rest and prepare for whatever  
lay ahead.


	2. There is more than one type of prison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian's POV - Saw Gerrera's Bunker outside Jedha City

As Cassian was thrown and then kicked back further into the first holding cell he'd been in in his life, it took a significant effort to tamp down his anger at the guard and at the situation. Calm… he had to be calm and remind himself that the mission hadn't completely gone to crap. Just the majority of the way there. If K-2 could see the scene, he would undoubtedly have a quip and some unhelpful statistics to describe the current situation.

But despite Cassian's initial tension, he and Jyn had survived the skirmish inside Imperial-occupied Jedha City, found Saw Gerrera and his band of fanatics, and weren't dead... yet. Jyn even had an audience with the extremist - or at least that's what Cassian hoped was happening, since she wasn't in the cell with him and the two Guardians of the Whills.

As for Jyn, he'd underestimated her again. She was one hell of a fighter. All of Saw's faction members were fierce, but it was _impressive_ to see her take down those Storm Troopers in hand-to-hand combat. Their attacks had not been in sync at first, but after she realized he was paying attention to her position and covering her, she interspersed her own assaults around the gaps left by his. If this was what she could accomplish with a baton and scavenged blaster and walk away unscathed, what odds had she faced when finally arrested for "aggravated assault?"

In the meantime, he had to get out of this cage. She, the convicted criminal, was walking free somewhere in this compound while he was imprisoned – the irony. His cell companions, the two who saved them from the final rounds of storm troopers when K-2 failed at lying, seemed less eager to escape than he. He wasn't in a mood to banter... his jaw still hurt.

"There is more than one type of prison, Captain. I sense you carry yours wherever you go."

_Sigh,_ and a suppressed quick flashback to his childhood. Mentally shaking it off, he focused on the task at hand, trying to get the door unlocked without the guard noticing his manipulations.

* * *

 

Thank the stars that K-2 was able to track their location so quickly. The two Guardians were part of the team now, Cassian supposed; especially since they'd obeyed his command to liberate the cargo pilot and bring him with them. He'd bumped into said pilot as he half-stumbled, half-ran out of the hidden rock entrance to the compound, pulling Jyn along by the arm. She'd met with Saw, alright. He'd barely been able to find her and get her out of the compound before it crumbled from the blast wave tremors created by what he assumed was the planet killer.

Something must have happened in Jyn and Saw's meeting, because she seemed completely overwhelmed. Shut down with shock, even. He wondered vaguely, as he insistently pulled her up and began to drag her away from her one-time foster parent, why he was making such an effort to retrieve her. She'd gotten them a meetup of sorts with Saw's people without anyone dying (still a miracle, under the circumstances). Cassian himself had identified the pilot purely by chance, imprisoned in the adjacent cell and noticed by Baze. From what the pilot already told him and what he was currently experiencing, the Rebel Intelligence Officer considered first half of his mission as complete. Pilot found, message existence corroborated, super weapon confirmed as horrific beyond words. Galen Erso located. On Eadu, which was likely the first place they were jumping as soon as they escaped what was left of Jedha city and he made contact with General Draven.

As he raced onto the ship and into the pilot's seat, Cassian was relieved to see that Jyn had regained enough of her focus and composure to usher the rest of the party into the bowels of the ship before closing the side hatch door securely. With the whole group boarded, Cassian urged the U-wing spaceward with all of the power stored in her cells. If he'd been a Jedi, the power of his intent at that moment would have pushed the ship forward even faster. As it was… it might not be enough.

"Come on, punch it!"

"I haven't completed my calculations!" K-2 sounded indignant, and Cassian knew the risks, but he didn't care.

"I'll make them for you." And with a brash but necessary engagement of the hyperdrive, they left Jedha behind for the blue blur of hyperspace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing Cassian proved at first to be more challenging for me than expected... it involved many comma spliced and the repeated editing out of said comma splices. I think I got them all ;) Please let me know what you think!


	3. I'm not the one you've got to convince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian's POV - en route to Eadu

“… proceed with haste and keep to the plan.”

“Understood,” Cassian said quietly and put back the headset slowly. A small knot was forming in the pit of his stomach. He had been hoping, he realized when evaluating his reaction, that at least part of the plan would change. Was he doubting the need to terminate the Imperial scientist, after the demonstration of deadly power he just experienced? Reluctantly, he turned to K-2: “Set a course for Eadu.”

“Setting course for Eadu,” the droid confirmed, steady as ever despite the potential conflicts of interest brewing. K-2S0 must certainly have analyzed the situation and recognized the likelihood of complications, with the increase in members of the crew and as-yet unknown true allegiances. Or was it just Cassian who was now focusing on how poorly Galen Erso’s daughter was bound to react when he carried out his secret orders? Not to mention the others now traveling in his cargo hold.

Jyn – of course she was eavesdropping – came out of her semi-stupor at his command to the droid. “Is that where my father is?” Her eyes shone with earnestness. Something had happened on Jedha while he was stuck in that cell, he was sure of it. Where was the criminal with no loyalties now? She looked like a young woman rubbed raw by life, but pushing onward. This new interest in the plan likely didn’t bode well for him or Operation Fracture, his gut told him. He schooled his face into neutral by force of habit.

“I think so,” he responded in as minimal and noncommittal way as possible, relieved when the Imperial pilot starting talking to Jyn and diverted her attention. Something had clearly happened to the defector while on Jedha, too. Cassian didn’t have time or energy to linger on why the pilot seemed… not all there. Like he couldn’t find his bearings, even after he woke from that trance-like state in the cell adjacent to theirs. Cassian mentally sighed and noted the additional uptick in count of times Saw Gerrera had impeded the work of the Rebellion. _Though we don’t have to worry about that any more…_

“…he said I could make it right, if I was brave enough and listened to what was in my heart. Do something about it. Guess it was too late.” The somber feeling expressed by Bodhi, as he had introduced himself, was clearly reflected on all the faces in the belly of the Y-wing as they all thought of their final moments on Jedha.

“It wasn't too late,” Jyn countered.

“Seems pretty late to me,” Baze lamented from across the hold. Cassian marveled briefly, with detachment and a twinge of disgust, at his own ability to focus and continue with the mission. Jedha city had been _obliterated._ While he definitely wasn’t okay, he had kept his head on his shoulders and kept moving. No time for grief and compassion. His training paid off and had kept them all alive, but at what cost to his soul?

 “No. We can beat the people who did this.” She seemed to be picking up courage as she spoke, making it materialize from thin air, contagious and spreading as she looked around the cargo hold. “My father's message, I've seen it. They call it the Death Star.”

Tivik’s information about that same weapon, the “planet killer,” had struck fear in his heart, though he told himself it could not be true. That it must at least partially be Imperial propaganda. What had the blind Guardian, Chirrut, said during their first encounter in the city? Cassian had been pulling Jyn away, chiding her for the open conversation she’d been having. Something about stars… _The strongest stars have hearts of kyber._ Cassian suppressed a shiver at how Jedha’s stolen natural resource had been corrupted. The Empire had engineered the deaths of so many innocent people. Vaporized, gone forever. An image of the little girl Jyn risked her life to save burned, unbidden, on his retinas.

“But they have no idea… there's a way to defeat it.” Jyn turned directly to Cassian now. His stoic mask was cracking as he fought the internal turmoil that continued to build. “You're wrong about my father.”

“He did build it,” the rebel said without expecting a rebuttal. This, at a minimum, was undeniable fact by now. She had no way of knowing whether he was also instrumental in directing its use.

“Because he knew they'd do it without him,” she countered, reckless in her confrontation of the issue and appearing utterly confident in her alternative appraisal. “My father made a choice. He sacrificed himself for the Rebellion.”

The knot in Cassian’s stomach expanded and grew, incorporating threads of both anger and dread _. Do you know who you’re dealing with, Jyn? Talking about sacrifices for the Rebellion? Careful where you tread_.

“He's rigged a trap inside it. That's why he sent you,” she turned to Bodhi, who so truly wanted to believe what she was saying. “To bring that message.”

“Where is it?” Cassian had not intended to sound so anxious, but if she had proof of this claim then he wouldn’t have to add to the death toll from today; one less thing to compartmentalize away ‘for the cause.’ He realized that once again he was placing a lot of hope on this possibility. “Where’s the message?”

She froze for the briefest of moments, the confidence eking from her defiant gaze. “It was a hologram…” she said almost weakly. Slowly at first, he sees defeat and then a desperate fear – no, never fear: anguish – sink into her features.

“You have that message, right?” Now he’s the one sounding desperate. _Please let her have the data stick._ He was liking the idea of assassinating Galen Erso less and less.

Her now-wide eyes stayed on his even as part of her seemed to shatter right there in front of him. It was a small voice, like a child’s, that answered him: “Everything happened so fast.”

“Did _you_ see it?” he asked the defector. The next-most likely candidate, though no more a solid witness than Jyn, from a Councilmember’s potential point of view. A shake of the head and Bodhi’s downcast eyes confirmed that he had not.

“You don't believe me,” she said, the hurt stinging in her voice. Since when did he have the ability to hurt her? With a rueful shake of the head, he realized how little of the frustrations of bureaucracy she likely knew. The knot in his stomach started to gnaw at him, the inevitability of her father’s assassination and the subsequent guilt tipping onto his shoulders.

“I'm not the one you've got to convince.”

As Chirrut chimed in, “I believe her,” Cassian’s frustration grew stronger, sticking to the anger already inside him and giving him fortitude, even if not strength. Holding on to his renewed clarity of focus, he half snarled back,

“That's good to know.”

But it wasn’t just the blind one who had been audience to what had, in the moment, felt like a tête-à-tête. Baze Malbus, the one with the repeater blaster, ignored Cassian and looked to Jyn. “What kind of trap? You said your father made a trap.”

This vote of confidence brought some of her color back as she spoke, nodding and explaining what she’d heard from the hologram: “The reactor. He's placed a weakness there. He's been hiding it for years. He said if you can blow the reactor- the module- the whole system goes down.”

Jyn turned back to the spy and urged him, “You need to send word to the Alliance.”

“I've done that,” the Captain said dismissively, without allowing himself to consider any possibility of questioning Draven’s order or foregoing the mission objective.

“They have to know there's a way to destroy this thing… they have to go to Scarif to get the plans.” To her credit, she was holding it together once again, with only a twinge of the previous defeat in her voice. But she was asking for things outside of what he could control.

“I can't risk sending that,” he tried to explain, bitterness seeping through at the orders he still had to follow despite this new, tantalizing - if likely suicidal – alternative suggestion. That wasn’t his call to make, he reminded himself. In lieu of the more complicated truth, his succinct and approximate reasoning also rang true: “We're in the heart of Imperial territory.”

Any interception of a message containing such damning evidence of Rebellion interference and infiltration would put many units on high alert. It would be an unacceptable risk to the mission on Eadu, clearly, but also to the Rebellion if the ship’s communications were traced, and to the team if they were caught. This motley crew was his mission team now, as much as he wanted to work solely with K-2 on this type of assignment, and he had to manage them. Did she think that Wobani was the worst the Empire had to offer? As he ticked off these reasons in his head, he ignored the voice that asked whether he was trying to convince himself of these facts, rather than simply sparing himself the wasted breath of explaining it to a now-resolute Jyn.

“Then we'll find him,” she said, chin jutting out in defiance but still clearly nursing a healing vulnerability. “And bring him back, and he can tell them himself.”

She held his gaze steadily, until his thoughts became too contradictory and he had to look away. Yes, she was going to be a problem. Now he had to manager _her_ , in particular. Her fervor and immediate certitude in the truth of her father’s message was inspiring, but the ideas she presented were in direct conflict with his orders, and there was no explicit reason to trust her. Since arriving at Jedha city, where she’d stuck close to him while they played the part of pilgrims, she’d lost her pseudo-father, suddenly found the Rebellion as her cause, and (as K-2 would say) the likelihood was high of her actively pursuing plans in opposition with Operation Fracture. From her file and his still-limited first-hand evidence, he knew how she tended to be reckless, to go rogue. Well, if she continued to work with the Rebellion, she would have to respect the chain of command. He hoped. Sighing, Cassian told himself to act his rank and once again take charge of accomplishing his mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene on the U-wing is one of my favorites of the movie - such emotion, such acting! I hope I did it justice. Let me know what you think.


	4. He has the face of a friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn – in the U-wing on Eadu

After barely escaping Jedha with the ship in one piece, they’d crash landed on Eadu. As soon as the ship had come to a stop, Captain Andor was out of his seat and beginning inspections of the vessel. Jyn was eager to get moving amidst yet another mission roadblock, and struggled to maintain a calm exterior as damage checks began. She peered out the side window into the darkness and deluge. 

“How about now, check stabilizers?” The former imperial pilot and the reprogrammed imperial droid worked together to diagnose and fix the rebel ship. Cassian trusted the lot of them – or perhaps he trusted K-2SO, and they were just additional sets of hands – to check on and restack the small quantities of gear and containers located inside the belly of the ship. After a few minutes, Cassian returned out of the rain, tense and in a hurry. He was all business, coordinating a plan on the fly. Well, on the ground, now.

“Bodhi, where’s the lab?” Cassian interrupted the checks, while shedding his soaked outer vest.

“The research facility?” the pilot clarified from the cockpit.

“Yeah. Where is it?” 

“It's just over the ridge,” he said, gesturing to port.

Grabbing his blue all-weather jacket, Cassian pulled it on while maintaining his focus on Bodhi. “And that's a shuttle depot straight ahead of us? You are sure of that?”

A nod and, “Yes.” He had served at this base for a time, after all.

“We'll have to hope there's still an Imperial ship left to steal... Here's what we're doing. Hopefully, the storm keeps up and keeps us hidden down here.” Grabbing a poncho from one of the storage shelves, he thrust it at the team member most knowledgeable about their present location, continuing: “Bodhi, you're coming with me. We'll go up the ridge and check it out.”

If the rebels were to be believed, and they’d been good with their intel so far, Galen Erso was here. The possibility was almost too good to believe, had she not heard it herself from the scientist’s hologram message. Rebellions may be built on hope, but it was a feeling with which Jyn was not accustomed. Vigilance and self-reliance were her friends these past years - enough healthy paranoia to ensure survival, as Saw would have put it. But the promise of seeing her father again had her feeling jumbled up inside.

“I'm coming with you –“ Jyn interjected, unwilling to sit around and be useless.

After half a beat, Cassian looked up from prepping his weapon to respond, “No, your father's message, we can't risk it. You're the messenger.”

“That's ridiculous.” She looked at him, then around to her shipmates, confused. “We all got the message. Everyone here knows it.” He had to know by now that she would be useful if they encountered any Imperial types, and she clearly had a vested interest in the mission’s success. She would follow his lead up onto the ridge with Bodhi to gather intelligence. 

“One blast to the reactor module and the whole system goes down,” demonstrated K-2SO. A point for Jyn in this argument that the droid chimed in against his master, especially when he slowed down his cadence to emphasize: “That's how you said it. The whole system goes down.”

The frustration was discernable in Cassian’s entire being. “Get to work fixing our comms! All I want to do right now is get a handle on what we're up against. So, we're going to go very small and very carefully up the rise and see what's what.” Bodhi got up and followed him to the side hatch, cowed. “Let's get out of here.”

She was surprised by his reaction, but for the first time in a long time offered no retort to this ultimatum of authority. Jyn stared out the window of the hatch they’d just left through, the small lights on their persons getting dimmer as they rock-hopped away from the ship. She tried to reconcile this no-deviations-from-my-brand-new-plan Cassian with the Captain who had quickly synchronized his melee attack with hers in NiJedha, allowing them to defeat so many Stormtroopers together.

The not-yet-orphaned Erso was snapped out of her reverie by Chirrut asking, “Does he look like a killer?” 

“No. He has the face of a friend,” Baze Malbus replied, calm and steady as ever.

“Who are you talking about?” she questioned, the hair on the back of her neck standing on end at the comment.

“Captain Andor,” the Guardian replied. Jyn’s stomach dropped and some of the color drained from her cheeks as she became more agitated.

“Why do you ask that?” Her eyes widened in shock, alarm, and not a little bit of hurt. “What do you mean, does he look like a killer?” As a spy, she assumed he’d killed before, but she’d trusted him…

“The Force moves darkly near a creature that's about to kill.”

_‘No!’_ was the only panicked thought that ran through her mind.

“His weapon was in the sniper configuration,” Kaytoo confirmed.

Damn him. Jyn immediately turned to rummage through the supplies to find her own Alliance-issue rain poncho and helmet. Yanking it on, she left the belly of the ship for the maelstrom outside. That’s why she’d felt so off balance. It was too good to be true, her being on the same planet as her father again with a hope of seeing him. She’d deferred to Cassian’s leadership and had ended up letting him take advantage of her, like she was 8 years old and green at fighting the Empire. 

She’d find her father first, she swore to herself, and then figure out how to bring him before the Galactic Senate to exonerate them both. If it came down to it on this worthless planet, Jyn thought as she got her bearings and plowed ahead down the slippery path, Andor would have to shoot the elder Erso through the younger. Assuming Jyn didn’t shoot the Captain first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was not originally going to include this scene, but yay extra chapter! After facing a bit of writer's block when working on what will now be chapter 5 (rather, descriptions not coming out as I wanted - the plot of the movie is already written and it definitely belongs to Lucasfilm/Disney), writing this scene made things flow together more smoothly. Hope you enjoyed it!


	5. You might as well be a Stormtrooper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian - Fleeing Eadu on the Imperial ship

Cassian was soaked, he was frustrated, and he was conflicted. The mission was a success, and yet he had failed. Galen Erso was dead, and not by his hand, but the knot in his stomach had only partially faded. Captain Andor had failed to complete his final objective; he had not been able to pull the trigger. Was it because the scientist had tried to shield his team from the Deathtrooper’s blasts, surely knowing it would be ineffective and likely suicidal? Maybe Cassian was affected by the way Bodhi recounted the older man’s inspirational words about listening to your heart and making a difference.

It was both those things and more. Andor had begun to believe that the elder Erso had indeed designed a weakness into the planet killer. That Galen was an ally who had gone deep under cover years ago without any tangible remaining link to those resisting the Empire. No official verdict would ever be reached, however – Erso would not testify in front of the Senate – which left the Rebellion in a much weaker political position when trying to rally the support of additional systems. It was not the spy’s place to question orders, but he wondered how much future events would have been changed if they had extracted the head researcher as originally planned.

He focused on the task of finding new places for old things on this stolen Imperial ship in order to shut out any further thoughts. Then Jyn approached him, footsteps determined. Cassian tried to ignore her presence, to put off the expected confrontation. The image of him pulling her away from the body of her dead father came to mind, not dissimilar to what had happened on Jedha. Her world had changed dramatically in such a short span of time. Would she have stayed there with either of them, dying for nothing, if he hadn’t come to save her?

“You lied to me,” she accused, her facial expression numb but owning the space around her, ready for a fight.

_You went around my command and put yourself knowingly in danger._ In his attempt to spare Galen, Jyn had almost gotten killed. Somehow she had managed to climb up onto the landing platform right before the X-wings arrived. She was supposed to have remained on the ship… while not too surprised that she’d disobeyed him, she had complicated the mission in more ways than one.

“You’re in shock,” he replied instead, trying to painting a picture of her as a petulant child, lashing out about things she didn’t understand. It didn’t stick, even for him, and he realized that the others in this new crew were likely on her side, not his.

“You went up there to kill my father.” To Jyn’s credit, her voice barely wavered. From his own experiences, Cassian could guess how much the mental images accompanying that sentence were tearing her up inside.

He continued to take off his parka in as calm a fashion as possible, hanging his outer garments to dry in the netting and hooks on the walls. He acted unhurried, though he knew the storm was about to hit. “You don't know what you're talking about.” _I have more loyalties than just to you. I still saved your life._

“Deny it,” she dared, not backing down or giving him more space. The sides of her mouth were pulled down tightly – pained, controlled – more than he had ever seen.

“You're in shock, and looking for someplace to put it… I've seen it before.” He did not maintain her gaze.

“I bet you have,” she insinuated vaguely about his past dealings for the Rebellion. “ _They_ know,” gesturing back toward the Guardians of the Whills and Bodhi. “You lied about why we came here and you lied about why you went up alone.”

Us against you, the Rebellion versus the Empire – the lines were blurred, once you looked too closely. No one on this ship was innocent; it was all shades of grey. He decided to confront the issue head on.

“I had every chance to pull the trigger. But did I?” Jyn looked taken aback at his admission, then just stared at him. Maybe she actually was in shock. Looking to regain some ground, Cassian spoke to the on-lookers for validation. “Did I?!”

They looked back soberly, not getting involved. But Jyn was not done. “You might as well have. My father was living proof and _you_ put him at risk.” Her blank expression cracked as she continued: “Those were Alliance bombs that killed him!”

The look on her face now was too much for Cassian – ‘how could you?’ it asked. ‘I thought the Alliance was on my side’ and finally, ‘I trusted you and now my father is dead.’ He imagined how Draven would summarize it: _The mission was a success_.

“I had orders! Orders that _I_ disobeyed.” Was he defending the Alliance or covering for himself? He wasn’t sure, but the magnitude of possible repercussions for his insubordination was beginning to sink in. He scoffed quietly, “But you wouldn't understand that.”

“Orders? When you know they're wrong?” She looked back and forth between his eyes, as if searching for any remaining humanity. Apparently finding him wanting, the orphan Erso tossed a verbal grenade before turning away: “You might as well be a Stormtrooper.”

_NO._ If she were aiming to share some of her pain, she’d hit her mark.

“What do you know?!” Captain Andor lost his cool. Spurred into action to contend for his honor as well as that of his military family, he followed her across the hold, not allowing her to retreat. “We don't all have the luxury of deciding when and where we want to care about something.” _No matter who is sacrificed along the way_. Unbidden images of faces came to mind; lives given or ended in the name of the cause. He scoffed to drive them away, and now when Jyn turned back, Cassian held and kept her gaze.

He continued, impassioned: “Suddenly the Rebellion is real for you? Some of us live it.” For the good and for the evil, this was who he was. His life, his cause, his responsibility, and his reward. “I've been in this fight since I was _6 years old_ ,” he almost spat out. “You're not the only one who lost everything. Some of us just decided to do something about it.”

But she couldn’t – or wouldn’t – acknowledge his defense of the institution which had dropped the bombs to kill her father. Though Jyn’s movements were looser now, with a shake of a head and a shrug, her face showed the raw emotional pain she endured. “You can't talk your way around this.”

She wasn’t the only one wishing things had gone differently; not the only one in pain. He did not back down. “I don't have to.”

He forced the end of the conversation by walking away, telling Bodhi, “Yavin Four.” As an afterthought he added, “Make sure they know we're coming in with a stolen ship.” No reason to allow this day to get any worse by being shot down by friendlies before they could land.

With the adrenaline still running through him, Cassian had nearly forgotten that no one else in the cargo bay had said anything. This was _not_ a conversation he wanted to have twice. The challenge “Anybody else?” rang out, the Captain turning to each of his passengers in turn. Baze lay back against the loading ramp as if nothing had happened, effectively closing the issue. Neither Chirrut nor Bodhi put up any protest.

Cassian climbed up the ladder to the cockpit in a foul mood despite his assertions to Jyn that he had nothing to apologize for. He hoped that no matter how much or little of the conversation Kay had overheard, the droid would focus on more than only the ‘Cassian disobeyed direct orders’ part. Or better yet, stay quiet and give him room to think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no write, yikes! If you want an interlude before the next chapter is up, please go read “Maybe, if” by JustKeepOnTheGrass over on ff.net (https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12277585/1/Maybe-If). I read it while writing the first few chapters of this fic, and it fits so well into place with the Cassian and Jyn here. After reading it, anything I tried to think of as happening between them leaving Eadu and the Council meeting on Yavin 4… turned into that story. So go take a look and show that story some love!


	6. Be a bit cramped, but we'd… we’d all fit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn's POV - on Yavin 4 after the council hearing

Jyn stalked out of the council chamber, trying to focus her thoughts. _How are they all too scared to see that going to Scarif is a risk we_ must _take?_ She reflected on all the near-misses she’d survived since the Alliance had broken her out of the Imperial Labor Prison, and on those who had taken the hit instead, as collateral damage. Her stomach twisted in anger. All for what? _Everyone in that room wants to put an end to the Empire, but what solution do they offer?  None. Just giving up to wait until the Empire is even stronger._ She had expected there to be a “we” going to Scarif on a mission, but it seemed that the Rebellion was still as splintered as Saw had always talked about, with too many different groups and too much bureaucracy to get anything accomplished. If she were on her own again… a single soldier was harder to detect than an army, though it was even riskier for that one person. She’d been up against impossible odds before. Jyn knew she needed to detach, to get out like she’d told Saw she would just a few days ago.

She was vaguely aware of Bodhi trailing behind her, giving her space. He, at least, was on her side: the only person in the Council Chambers who actually had known her father and could vouch for his character.

“You don't look happy,” she was greeted by Baze, sitting restlessly on parts scattered around the inner hanger. Here, at least, were people who could vouch for _her_ character beyond her criminal record. But the Guardians had been denied entry to the Council meeting, as beings unassociated with the politics and secrets of the Rebellion.

“They prefer to surrender,” she said, voice divulging her growing disgust with the Rebellion’s leadership while her face remained a mask of control. Her body language and ‘what can we do?’ hand gestures were dismissive. Normally she would already be planning a way off this rock, passage for one, but this time there were people who wanted to talk over the situation.

“And you?” the elder Guardian challenged, trusting that her passion could once again be ignited if given the right fuel.

 “She wants to fight,” the blind Guardian knew. Jyn had a feeling, too, that Chirrut sensed her own fear and urge to run creeping in. Were they still waiting around Yavin 4 because they expected to stay together as a team after the mission was over, or just to hear the news?

Bodhi chimed in: “So do I.” He had gained strength and purpose as the mission had gone on, slowly finding himself again after whatever Saw had put him through. Now he was determined. “We all do.”

“The Force is strong,” Chirrut encouraged. Hadn’t he saved them from capture by Stormtroopers in NiJedha with his faith in the Force as an ally? But Jyn's doubt remained.

 “I'm not sure four of us is quite enough,” she said, backing away and trying to remove herself from the discussion with finality.

“How many do we need?” Baze asked calmly, a small look of satisfaction creeping on to his face.

“What are you talking about?” She paused, surprised. Jyn quickly refocused on the two Guardians. She was missing some detail, or maybe it was being withheld; she could see it in their faces. Malbus even smiled mischeviously as he gestured over her shoulder, behind her. Slowly, she turned to see a rag-tag, battered group of soldiers approaching. Led by none other than Cassian Andor.

“They were never going to believe you.” _There_ he was. The Rebel Intelligence Captain. Anger and resentment flared up immediately. Here was the officer she’d fought alongside, argued morality against, who had gotten her father killed… but had also come back for her when she was about to be left behind, twice. He was the one person with sway who should have stood up for her during the hearing, at the very least as a token of penance for putting her father in mortal danger and lying about the mission to ‘rescue’ him. Where had he been, anyway? _Now he shows up to rub it in,_ she thought.

Jyn hated that the hurt was clearly audible in her voice as she replied sarcastically, “I appreciate the support.” She would have been perfectly satisfied to never speak to him again after what happened on Eadu… and _this_ is what he says to her?

“But _I_ do.” He took a few steps toward her, cautiously. “I believe you.” His tone seemed sincere, and his expression was as open as she had ever seen it. Was he… nervous?

Her anger was caught up short by his admission. The last week had put an enormous strain on her emotions, so she breathed deeply in an attempt to calm herself enough to listen. She looked him over, hesitation and some suspicion still lingering in her, but… Jyn realized that she wanted to trust him.

“We'd like to volunteer,” he continued, receiving a few nods in affirmation as he looked back at his comrades. 

“Some of us... most of us… we've all done terrible things on behalf of the Rebellion.” She was looking at the hidden face of the Rebellion, she knew. Those who did most of the dirty work (figurative and literal, from the looks of them) and received none of the public accolades. Beings Saw would have commended for their loyalty to the Cause.

Cassian continued: “Spies. Saboteurs. Assassins.” One or two in the group dropped their gaze when their particular sins were named, but they stood their ground. They had all accepted the choices they made, the path they ended up on. What had Cassian said about loyalty and taking action, during their argument? ‘Some of us just decided to do something about it.’ She could have been one of them, if circumstances had been different. She almost had been, though in Saw’s cadre.

“Everything I did, I did for the Rebellion. And every time I walked away from something I wanted to forget, I told myself it was for a cause that I believed in. A cause that was worth it,” he half shrugged, admitting that he’d seen too much and undoubtedly compartmentalized it away just to survive.

His eyes found hers again, sincere: “Without that, we're lost. Everything we've done would have been for nothing.”

'Rebellions are built on hope,' he had told her on Jedha, and she’d mistakenly expected it to have the same reaction on the Council as it had on her. She realized that her throat had gone dry and her heart was pounding, but from relief and renewed hope instead of indignation and resentment. She tried to swallow away the excess feelings to pay attention to the rest of his words. They were meant as an admission to and inspiration for the group, she knew… but particularly for her, after what they’d been through on Eadu.

“I couldn't face myself if I gave up now. None of us could.”

Cassian’s voice was thick with emotion, and Jyn knew that she couldn’t trust herself to speak. The full realization hit her of what this rogue group of rebels actually meant to do – to follow her to Scarif on this potentially suicidal mission – and the sudden swell of gratitude and belonging she felt made her chest ache. She looked around at her fellow soldiers. This was a group used to poor odds; this group knew that life under the Empire was no life at all. They had survived thus far. Maybe they would do it again. They had to try.

Eager to play his part and fully committed, Bodhi had clearly already started thinking of logistics: “It won't be comfortable,” he admitted. After some quick mental math he continued, “Be a bit cramped, but we'd… we’d all fit." A nod to Jyn, "We could go.”

The Imperial defector’s final statement seemed like the permission they had unconsciously been waiting for. The smile felt strange on her face, it had been so long. She looked back at Cassian as confirmation: the mission was a go.

“Okay,” he agreed. A twitch of a smile was on his lips in return as he turned back to address the waiting soldiers. “Gear up. Grab anything that's not nailed down.”  The group dispersed, and excited murmuring could be heard between members as they rushed off to prepare for the trip. Cassian’s encouraging ‘Go, go, go!’ conveyed his enthusiasm as much as the urgency of the mission.

She watched the flurry of activity in a state of semi-awe. How had she inspired these beings to follow her on such a crazy mission? Who were all these people as allegiant as she was to the heart of this urgent cause, so much so that they knowingly turned their backs on official orders of their superiors?

K-2SO’s voice brought her attention back to the present, however. “Jyn: I'll be there for you.” Had she convinced even the droid? "Cassian said I had to.” Ah, that made a lot more sense. Still, it was better than the vague threats and blatant disrespect of the previous days. She still couldn’t discern whether or not the droid had the capacity for humor or was just a jerk.

As K-2 walked off, Cassian turned back to her. The vestige of a smile had turned into a hesitant grin. _There he is, s_ he thought again, but much softer this time. He approached her more confidently now, though still in a measured way. Did this make up for his part in her father’s death? She wasn’t sure, but it was a hell of a lot further toward being forgiven than she ever expected him to make.

Cassian casually circled around her like he was walking past, but his body language was way too focused on Jyn for it to be offhand – she knew he was waiting for her to say something. He was letting her take the lead, she realized. This was his way of judging her reaction after he ‘apologized’.

Her reply was intentionally warm: “I'm not used to people sticking around when things go bad.” It came off like a lame joke, but they both knew it was true. She was mirroring his openness, an almost-smile lingering on her face, when he surprised her yet again by leaning in closer to whisper, “Welcome home.” Warmth and a burst of hope blossomed in her chest – they could do this. They had to do this.

They would do it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been two months (oops), but the next chapter is finally up! I am not leaving this fic behind. Watching scenes over (and over, and over) again as part of the writing process, it’s noticeable how little Jyn smiles. Not that she has much to smile about for most of the plot. I once saw a gifset of Jyn’s smiles that on Tumblr, though I can’t find it now, and it was jarring to see all her happy moments all in one place. So I took advantage of the hints of smiles in this scene, making sure to write them in fully.


	7. We’ll take the next chance, and the next, on and on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn - in the stolen Imperial shuttle approaching Scarif

The shuttle was lined up and on the main approach to the shield gate. Their target lay directly ahead: the entry was open but their fate lay balanced on the knife’s edge. If the clearance codes didn’t work, or if the ship had been reported missing from Eadu as K-2S0 warned could have happened they would either be killed when the gate closed on them or destroyed by the surrounding Star Destroyers.

Jyn could tell that Bodhi was trying be patient and stay calm, but the waiting was always the worst part of a mission. Finally he breathed a big sigh and with a last glance out the front viewport he said, “Okay. Here it goes.”

He pressed the comm, which chirped to life. Rook spoke into the Imperial transmitter in an even tone, enunciating the ship’s call sign distinctly as if this were any other of his cargo runs, “Cargo shuttle SW-0608 requesting a landing pad.”

She moved slowly to port, keeping absolutely quiet while the comm unit microphone was transmitting. They moved over the perimeter of the gate, K-2 skillfully piloting the shuttle on a path indicating that they expected to be admitted, with confidence and without urgency. 

The officer on the orbiting station did not immediately acquiesce: “Cargo shuttle SW-0608, you're not listed on the arrival schedule.” The ship’s descent slowed to a near-hover, centering over the access ring.

_That’s ok_ , Jyn reassured herself while hoping they didn’t have facial trackers pointed at the bridge. _We rehearsed this bit._ The worst thing Bodhi could do would be to over explain the situation, so they’d come up with something simple which would hopefully satisfy the low-level officer’s suspicions.

“Acknowledged, Gate Control. We were… rerouted from Eadu Flight Station. Transmitting clearance code now,” a subtle nod of the head and an eyebrow raise was Bodhi’s indication it was K-2’s turn now.

K-2 confirmed, “Transmitting,” in a very dull voice, hopefully emulating the tonality used by his model when under Imperial service. The moment of truth was upon them.

Tearing her eyes away from the station and the tropical planet below, Jyn couldn’t help but reach for the cord at her neck, pulling the kyber crystal pendant into view. It was a miracle that she’d been able to keep it all this time, given the number of people she had met throughout her life who would have gladly ridden her of anything of value or anything she prized. Still more training for which she was indebted to Saw - his insistence on her keeping it covered or wearing a scarf, even her during her early days with him on Wrea, made it second nature well before she was on her own or stuck on Wobani for six soul-sucking months.

Right now she needed what little comfort the crystal could offer. She gazed at it in her hands, turning it slowly in her fingers and rubbing her thumb over the inscription as she’d seen her mother do many times on Lah’mu while worrying over something. She needed her mother’s faith now – faith in the Force, faith in her father, and faith in herself.

She closed her eyes, the kyber clasped in her palm, and breathed. Maybe the plan would work. Jyn had people counting on her – the whole galaxy was counting on her, actually, though they didn’t realize it. _Inhale, exhale._ She could not let them down. Would the Force protect her? The force of others _was_ with her now. She would not let them down - the plan _had_ to work. She focused her mind on this singular thought and gripped tighter, stirring only when the imperial officer’s voice once again filled the cockpit.

 “Cargo shuttle SW-0608?” Worry lines again creased Jyn’s face even bofer she opened her eyes. The soft rustling of clothing brought her attention to Cassian, just up from the cargo bay. He leaned forward from the shadows a meter behind Bodhi’s pilot chair, eyebrows knit in anticipation. Was she getting better at reading him, or was he not hiding behind his spy’s mask anymore? Their eyes met as she looked up. He must have been watching her, she realized.

Her suspicion of having been watched was confirmed when Jyn saw his stare move over her quickly, focused but preoccupied. Still, she didn’t miss the quick flick of the gaze down to her fist which was holding the crystal tight. She automatically relaxed that arm, grasping the pendant in a manner to draw less attention, but was surprised to realize that it wouldn’t bother her if Cassian had seen the crystal.

The moment seemed to stretch on forever in the distant crackling of the officer’s comm link. Eyes now locked together, Cassian and Jyn were all in on this bet.

“You are cleared for entry.”

“Yes!!” Rook pumped his fists in celebration, and Jyn smiled at the success. Her father’s faith in the pilot was well-placed – he was well and true a Rebel now.

“Impressive,” Kay complimented. From his tone Jyn knew better than to ask what odds they had just beaten.

Cassian’s appreciative slap of the ceiling bulkhead was paired with a genuine grin at Jyn. Smile widening, she strode toward the Captain in celebration.

Only as she entered his personal space did she realize she had no idea _what_ she planned to do once she reached him. In her hesitation she paused far too close to him, arms loose as if going in for a hug. By the time her brain fully reengaged, she was already pulling away and the impulse was controlled. Surprisingly, Cassian backed away only slightly from the sudden close quarters, though his gaze jumped around nervously. He even turned toward her, ducking his head down further to avoid the bulkhead. She looked him up and down in her confusion, noticing for the first time that he barely fit on the command deck while standing. Suddenly shy, her momentum kept her moving forward. A mumbled, “I'll tell the others” was the best she came up with as an excuse to exit the awkward situation.

She continued toward the ladder that Cassian had recently ascended; a big ‘whoosh’ of an exhale followed her, as if he’d been holding his breath. The sound of another bulkhead pat and a whispered, “Okay” reached her ears as she climbed down into the cargo pit.

* * *

 

Jyn’s gaze wandered aimlessly over the crowded but silent cargo hold. She could sense the disquiet in everyone’s mood, the serious and somber thoughts on everyone’s minds. Only Baze met her eyes. Whatever he and Chirrut had seen on Jedha, they seemed the best prepared out of all of the troops: calm, patient, and alert. Those awful experiences were exactly what Rogue One was trying to prevent – increasing shows of Imperial power, destruction, and annihilation using the Death Star. Jyn started to her lost herself in thought spirals of her father, Saw, the Alliance and the Death Star when Cassian descended the metal ladder built into the wall.

“We're landing,” he told her, his voice betraying some nerves, and she nodded. Assessing the soldiers in the cargo hold, he announced in a more confident voice: “We're coming in!” _Look alive, soldiers!_ He seemed to say. _We get one shot at this_.

Jyn absorbed his words and his strength, pacing in place before turning to address the group. Saw had never been one for long speeches, and she had never been the leader of a mission like this before. But one story kept circling in her mind, giving her strength, so she shared it: “Saw Gerrera used to say one fighter with a sharp stick and nothing left to lose can take the day.”

At her words, the glazed looks came into focus, the troops perked up, and she gained their full attention. She continued, “They have no idea we're coming.” _We broke away from the rebels – insubordination at least, maybe even desertion._ “They have no reason to expect us.” _We’re sneaking into an Imperial stronghold._ Jyn didn’t hide her uncertainty, but instead tried to couple it with the hope she brought to the mission. A desperate hope of succeeding, which flowed through her whole body and, she hoped, shone on her face.

“If we can make it to the ground, we'll take the next chance, and the next.…” They had an advantage, yes, but there were no illusions about the odds stacked against them. “On and on until we win -” she stopped short and pursed her lips, looking for the best way to phrase the other alternative. _Keep it direct_ , she decided, _to respect the choice they made to follow me here_. “…or the chances are spent.”

She thought once again about all the beings whose last chance had been spent, even in the short time she had joined up with the Rebellion. They had the opportunity to prevent the loss of millions more innocent lives. As Jyn looked around the cramped cargo hold, the faces from the underbelly of the Rebellion looked back at her earnestly. The spies, saboteurs, assassins - and even some who had been all three - were ready for this mission. They were willing to follow her into the Imperial military complex, into battle, and to the death if necessary. Pride swelled within Jyn the orphan to see these soldiers here with her, working to continue the work of both her blood and adoptive fathers.

“The Death Star plans are down there,” she described the crux of the mission, pointing vaguely in the direction of the Citadel Tower. “Cassian, Kay-Tu, and I will find them. We'll _find_ a way to find them.”

She glanced back at Cassian for moral support. The latter option was far more likely, given the improbability of a straightforward ‘snatch and dash’ operation. There was going to be a lot of playing things by ear and grabbing opportunities (or Imperials) by the throat in order to accomplish their goal. But after everything she, Cassian, and K-2SO had survived in the past week, she was comfortable improvising with them. They were a team now, and she knew Cassian would be right there, ready to back her up. Even K-2’s obnoxious behavior had come in useful sometimes, and she had a hunch that “Target Practice” would be valuable during infiltration of the Complex.

After a pause for the mission basics to sink in, Jyn looked to Cassian to fill in more of the logistics. He stepped forward and continued where she left off: “Melshi, Pao, Baze, Chirrut, you'll take main squad. Move east and get wide of the ship. Find a position between here and the tower.”

Though he and Jyn had discussed outlines of iterations of their plans during the hyperspace trip to the planet, Cassian must have worked out more details during the initial descent. She trusted his assignments within the group, knowing that he would have assessed the terrain and that his understanding of the within-ranks team dynamics were superior to hers.

The Captain continued, “Once you get to the best spot, light the place up. Make ten men feel like a hundred!” There were nods and noises of approval all around, gaining in enthusiasm and confidence. Screwing with the Empire - wreaking as much havoc as possible - was something they would be thrilled to do.

“And get those troopers away from us,” was Cassian’s final plea. Jyn and Cassian’s eyes met with a quick nod, an understanding of the gravity of the situation passing between them. _Wreak havoc, but with a purpose_

Jyn surveyed the group in the cockpit gathering their gear, encouraging each other and preparing for the start of the action. It wasn’t a full battalion, but the group was orders of magnitude beyond what she had expected after the Alliance Council meeting.

Bodhi, who must have climbed down from the cockpit during the rallying speech, now approached Cassian. “What should I do?” he asked, eager to contribute more and follow through on his Galen-inspired mission get right by himself.

“Keep the engine running,” Andor immediately replied. Jyn turned and examined Bodhi’s face for signs of hesitation or insurmountable fear. She was impressed by what she saw instead. Though not typically at the epicenter of a battle, waiting with the ship could be dangerous in its own way. Emphasizing the importance of this role, Cassian continued, “You're our only way out of here.”

Jyn nodded and flashed a small smile at Bodhi for encouragement.

The team was ready. Now the difficult part would begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dropping of the Last Jedi trailer spurred me to finish this chapter up asap. Excited!
> 
> Before I started analyzing these scenes so closely, I hadn’t thought much of Jyn walking toward Cassian in the cockpit area of the cargo shuttle. She really does look like she’s going to engulf him in a hug, and he looks terrified but like he might let her do it... if it weren’t inappropriate for the mission and if feelings weren’t scary. Go check it out again to see what I mean. There’s a lot of glances back and forth and checking each other out. Hopefully I captured the spirit of it here.

**Author's Note:**

> Reek is the species of animal that Anakin faced in the Petranaki arena on Geonosis in Attack of the Clones. When forced to eat meat, they can become quite aggressive and will charge suddenly.
> 
> While this work will be sticking to canon as much as possible, everything up until the final chapter will also serve as extra background and characterization for another Alternate Ending story I have in mind. So please keep reading even with the knowledge that these forays into Jyn and Cassian’s psyches will have a bittersweet end... you can just skip this story's ending once we eventually get there ;)


End file.
